“I’m thirsty!”
“I’m hungry!” Peeking around the bedroom door, your adorable four year old simply won’t stay in bed. It’s exasperating. Proper sleep is part of good health, and health is one of the areas that you are in charge of, because you have the knowledge, not a four year old! This performance is a challenge to your responsibility. (One exception: using the toilet. By all means, don’t stand in the way of that; it may be genuine!) Here are some do’s and don’ts: Don’t. . .
Accept that is normal for some kids; try the above suggestions, and be patient!
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It was that warm, private moment between hectic daytime activity and peaceful sleep. I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the covers over a very special nearly-four-year-old. I could see the wheels turning in her precocious mind.
"When I grow up, I’m going to be a doctor,” she announced, glancing at a me for my reaction. “That sounds great,” I said. "And a nurse. And a painter. And someone who makes shoes. And build things,” she continued with tremendous enthusiasm. “All of those things?” I said, smiling down at her. Where had she gotten this idea?! “Yes,” she told me, firmly. “All at the same time?” I asked, looking for an opportunity to inject some information into this conversation. “Mmm, no,” she answered thoughtfully. “First, a doctor.” “It takes some time to become a doctor,” I said. “You’ll be in school for quite a few years to learn everything you need to know. You’ll be very good at it. You'll be a terrific doctor. “And you can learn how to make shoes, too,” I added. “A person who makes shoes is called a cobbler. You can learn how to use the tools and everything else you need to make shoes.” “Cobbler? Cobbler. Cobbler,” she repeated, trying the word on. “And then I’m going to build things!” “What kind of things?” I prompted. “Buildings? Bridges? Roads?” “Everything!” She giggled. Uh-oh. Silliness and going to sleep don’t mix. Time to re-settle her down. “Sweetie,” I said, soothingly, “there are many, many things you would be very good at. You will find things that you like to do, and things that you love to do. There’s plenty of time for you to become whatever you want.” I tucked the blankets around her, and this ambitious child snuggled into her pillow. Her world was starting to expand beyond her family and friends. She was developing a concept of herself, operating in the wider world. So many fascinating conversations to come! You are warm and safe, surrounded by comfort. You are never hungry, thirsty, or afraid. You float in perfect contentment.
You are home. This will last forever. Then . . . Waaaaaahhhhhh!!! Welcome to the world. Sometimes you’re hungry. Sometimes you’re sleepy. And at those times, it’s comforting to be snugly wrapped up in a soft cotton blanket. Like a never-ending hug, it reminds you of home. And you drift blissfully into sleep. Parents have been swaddling their newborns for millennia. The earliest known depictions of swaddled babies are about 4500 years old. So it’s no fad! Throughout history, parents have discovered that wrapping a baby firmly helps calm and soothe the baby and promotes deeper sleep. At four months old, Seth cried and howled unless he was held and rocked to go to sleep. And rocked. And rocked. And rocked!! Mommy could get him to sleep in five or ten minutes, but even she had to hold him for at least ten more minutes to make sure he stayed asleep when she transferred him to his bassinet or crib. Sometimes Seth could not calm down enough to fall asleep at all if someone other than his mother tried to put him down for his naps, even using the same method. Unfortunately, it seemed that Seth learned some counterproductive lessons from this technique. He learned to rely on being held and rocked in order to sleep, and could not sleep without it. In addition, after being put into his crib, he would only cat nap: his naps were less than 30 minutes apiece. Although they had used swaddling with Seth immediately after he was born, his parents had stopped swaddling him when he was seven weeks old. I suggested that we try it again. The first time that I swaddled Seth in a lightweight woven (not knitted!) cotton blanket, he napped for an hour and a half. The second time, nearly 2 hours. Swaddling made a big difference for Seth! With a shout of, “I’m going!” Gregory elbowed his way onto the slide. Craig staggered back a step, an ear-splitting wail developing in his little throat.
It was time to teach another important skill: taking turns. I explained to Gregory that it’s important to treat other children politely (if nothing else, that they won’t want to play with you!) with firm insistence, and consistent application of the ground rules. Gregory was too young to really understand the ramifications of his behavior. It’s hard for a two-year-old to accept; their patience is just beginning to develop. But with a sulky face, he grudgingly allowed Sean to use the slide, then took his turn. And as Craig yielded the slide to Gregory, Gregory smiled. It was time to teach an important skill: sharing.
I explained to Taylor why it’s important to treat other children nicely (if nothing else, that they won’t want to play with you!). My approach is to be kindly insistent and consistently apply ground rules. If you want something that your friend is holding, you give her something in exchange. And the same applies with your baby brother! It's tough watching your child act aggressively toward another child. It's tough listening to the wailing, wiping away the tears, and standing your ground. If you need to pick your battles, is this one you want to fight? Absolutely. Give her a firm foundation to stand on when she meets society at large! Noah opened the fridge and stood gazing into it, seemingly transfixed. His dad had asked the four year old an ordinary question: “What do you want for breakfast?”
Answer: no answer. Noah was unable to sort out the many choices, discard the ones he disliked, and simply select something. Too young to make an arbitrary decision, he was overwhelmed by too many options. (Not to mention, what would you do if he replies cheerfully, “Ice cream!”) I arrived early in the morning, helped Noah get dressed, and escorted him to the kitchen. Sitting him down at the table, I presented him with his own, custom made menu. (Hooray for clip art!) On an 8 1/2” x 11” sheet of paper, laid out landscape and folded in half, I printed clip art of two — and only two — breakfast options. (The menu showed the names, but Noah was not reading yet, so the pictures showed him his choices.) Then the question was: “Do you want “Wonderful Waffles,” or “Yummy Yogurt?” And it was easily answered. Child’s anxiety averted, adult impatience forestalled, Noah enjoyed his breakfast and I enjoyed our conversation. Make four or five menus . . . and make sure those foods are on hand! I stood in the middle of the kitchen, a sweet toddler standing before me. He was pointing at the cabinets, crying, obviously frustrated. At 18 months, Hudson was smart and very sweet, but not yet verbal. I pulled box after box, jar after jar out of the cupboards, thinking, “There has to be a better way!”
The better way was Baby Sign Language. I began signing to him with basics, such as “milk,” “juice,” and “cookie.” It transformed Hudson’s world. Within a few weeks he knew two dozen signs, and each week he added one or two more. No more tears of frustration. Now he could tell me if he wanted milk, juice, water, cookies, cheese, or a banana; if he’d seen a cat, a dog, a car, or an airplane. As he began speaking more, his signing dropped away. It had given him a way to communicate effectively, and had been his bridge to spoken language. |
AuthorI have been a nanny for more than ten years, helping families raise active, curious, confident children. Archives
July 2023
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